I don’t know what FedEx thinks about Charlestown, but I know it’s not good.
Here’s what happened:
November 27th: I placed an order at Petco for a new automatic watering bowl for Zachary. His old one had stopped working well, and we’d had it for a few years. What the heck, I threw in some filters too.
November 28th, 12:35PM: FedEx picked up the package.
November 28th, 6:35PM: FedEx says the label became “unreadable”, so they replaced it.
November 29th: The package arrived at the Wilmington center…this is where it started to go terribly wrong. It was placed on the truck to be delivered. No attempt made that day.
November 30th: The package stayed in Wilmington, enjoying a nice cup of coffee with the FedEx team there.
December 1st: The package was placed on the truck. No mention of where the package went that day, but it wasn’t our house.
December 2nd: The package spent another day in Wilmington, taking in the sights. Did you know that Wilmington was part of an unstable frontier in Queen Anne’s war, and was established in 1730 after a sawmill was built there?
December 3rd: The package was placed on a truck to be delivered, but once again, the delivery was “delayed”.
December 4th & 5th: The package spent a nice weekend in Wilmington, visiting the nearby childhood homes of Jack Kerouac (Lowell) and Jay Leno (Andover). I don’t know if the package took any pictures, but I didn’t get any postcard. Ungrateful package.
December 6th: The package came back to the facility after a latenight bender, and was put on the truck to be delivered the next day.
December 7th: “Recipient Location Security Delay”. I called, and spoke with a nice gentleman from Memphis about what this meant. He said, “Perhaps the President was in town, and they couldn’t get through”. I’m serious. I mentioned to him that I am from Massachusetts, and that Dubya wouldn’t be caught dead in this state. I doubt he really thinks of it as one of the current 50, let alone the original 13. His other guess? A “parade”. I also said, “This isn’t Memphis – we have our parades in the Spring and Summer, when people are unfrozen enough to actually attend.” He promised that the package would be delivered the next possible day.
December 8th: The package was out getting a facial, so was not around to get delivered.
December 9th: The package was put on a truck, and I was back to “No attempt made, delivery scheduled for next business day”.
December 10th, 11th, 12th: The package spent the long weekend doing some shopping at the mall and having a nice dinner in Andover Center (I had recommended the Andover Inn). I think it had a good time.
December 13th: FedEx finally gave up. “Package Available for Pickup”. Now through this whole process, FedEx gave me NO notification – no post-it, no postcard, no phone call, and certainly no package.
December 14th and 15th: The package spent the two days in Package Lockup, where bad packages go when their recipients have the audacity to live in Charlestown.
December 16th: I called Memphis, got connected a supervisor, who connected me with Wilmington, who connected me with a “QA supervisor”. She found the package, noticed all the writing over it, and said, “Maybe they didn’t deliver it because you live in the projects”. Um, have you seen my property tax bill? Well, I do live close to the local housing development, but most of Boston can make that claim. So I pointed out to her the erros of FedEx’s ways. She took detailed notes about where to place the package (on our back deck) in case the driver didn’t like leaving it on the front steps. Now remember, the driver has never even rung the doorbell thus far, let alone get out of his truck to drop off the package.
December 17th: You guessed it – “No attempt made”.
In the past few weeks, Zachary has given up waiting and started walking around with a diving rod to find a new source of water. This gift was supposed to be a nice Christmas surprise for him. At this rate, I’m going to just get him a gift card like I do for everyone else. I suspect that the reason the driver didn’t stop by was Speedy Wong’s, the local chinese food restaurant/meth lab (“Check out our #8 SpeedBall Special!”). Come on, it’s a cat bowl!
I don’t know what to do. I do know that I am not going to drive up to Wilmington to pick up a package from Petco, when the closest one is about 3 miles away. So FedEx, Why do you Hate me?
Update: All hail the power of the Internet! After writing this, we went to a Christmas Party, came back, and SURPRISE! The package had arrived! On a Sunday! Of course, it looked like it had been across the border several times, and perhaps thrown in jail, and searched by some NSA guy for having impure thoughts, but all in all, it was in pretty good shape. And the cat bowl even worked!
I’m sure it was this entry that did it – FedEx was sooo scared of the negative publicity that they rushed out to get the package home. Or, maybe some guy was working on Sunday and thought he would drop it off on the way home.